


The cucumber fic!

by andmydog



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-14
Updated: 2009-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andmydog/pseuds/andmydog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Challenge: Gojyo practicing his blowjob technique on a cucumber while masturbating!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The cucumber fic!

"Shhh!" Gojyo hissed at the door as it slammed shut behind him. Stupid door. Didn't it know that it wasn't supposed to slam? _Especially_ not when he was trying to be sneaky, 'cause it was bad for the knob, or the jam, or the jelly, or one of those door-parts that didn't like getting slammed, and then the door would complain to Hakkai and Hakkai would lecture like his mom about slamming things and tracking dirt into the house and dropping his butts everywhere and how he'd break all his fingers if he did it again, and then Gojyo wouldn't be able to make him dinner.

_Fuck_ but he was drunk.

But he could be drunk later, because if Hakkai wasn't here breaking his fingers, then Hakkai wasn't _here_, and that meant he was still okay-go for making the dinner he'd been planning for the entire twenty six hours it'd taken him to stumble home from the bar, not counting the three hours it'd taken to piss out all that beer, and however long it'd taken to find his lighter after he dropped it while pissing. Hakkai liked vegetables, so there was gonna be vegetables, and Hakkai liked food that wasn't on fire or covered in barbeque sauce and _then_ set on fire, and since Gojyo could boil water without setting it on fire (Hakkai'd even said so!), he was gonna make ravis. Ravlies. Roofies. Little stuffed noodle things. And salad. With vegetables.

As soon as he found the kitchen.

Hakkai was gonna be so surprised when he got home! Gojyo squatted in front of the open fridge door, peering into the depths. Salad. Salad. What the hell was good in a salad? The leftover foo yung should probably stay in the fridge, but the lettuce hiding behind the foo yung, that he should use. Yes. And those carrots. Oh, and that cucumber. There were big green things next to the cucumber that smelled like onion, but they were very large and weird-looking, and normal vegetables were bad enough. Hell, even the normal vegetables were weird, when you got right down to it, and to get right down to it, you had to sit down with your legs crossed and one hand under your chin and scowl like you were trying real hard to shit, and so that's just what Gojyo did, because tomatoes weren't even a vegetable! How fucked up was that, that tomatoes were fruit, like oranges or melons.

Girl at the bar tonight had had some melons, Gojyo smirked, holding the tomato up to the light and watching the reflections in its waxy red surface. Shiny and red, and she'd let him grab her ass, too, before he remembered that she wasn't supposed to do that, because if you squeezed a tomato the red got everywhere, and it'd drip on you and the seeds would get stuck and then you'd be in big trouble. People would yell, and they'd throw things, and tomatoes got squished so easy that it wasn't even worth it – Gojyo carefully set the tomato back on the center shelf of the fridge and sat back on his heels, eyes wide – so maybe he shouldn't even touch it. Maybe he should just have green leafy things instead. Hakkai liked those, right? He liked lettuce, and he liked beans, or peas, or whichever one it was that had that rhyme about using honey to stick to the knife, and that was gross, but lots of things were gross that with Hakkai weren't nearly so gross as he'd thought they'd be.

And how come Hakkai had bought a cucumber that looked like a dick? The fridge light was too bright, so Gojyo shut the door and sat back against it, examining the dick-cucumber. Yup. It was a cut dick. Had a head, and a ridge, and it was skinnier until it got fatter down at the other end, where it was kinda bumpy, and it was green and smelled kinda like the bottom of the fridge, but it was a dick. Oh, this was great! Hakkai was gonna laugh his ass off when he saw this! Although... the head was really too roundy, and the ridge wasn't ridgey enough... really, it was just a dick-shaped cucumber, not a real dick-cumber. Gojyo poked at the end of the cucumber with one fingernail, picking off a tiny bit of the skin... and the next minute, he was flying across the kitchen in search of a paring knife.

There. Now it looked like a dick! Gojyo smiled proudly, setting the knife aside on the pile of cucumber skin, and admired his handiwork. Sure it was green, and kinda wet-looking, but it was dick-shaped, and dick-sized, and the weight in his hand was dick-weight. He swirled the ball of his thumb over the tip, and yup. That felt about right. In fact... Gojyo unzipped his fly and eased his dick out, holding it next to the cuke-dick for comparison. He tightened his grip on the cucumber and on his own cock, and yeah, that was pretty damn close. And fuck that felt good. Gojyo let his eyes drift shut and leaned back against the cupboards, rubbing his thumbs over the ridges and up over the heads, and yeah. This was a good dick. He had to be careful not to squish it, though, 'cause then Hakkai wouldn't get to see it, so he had to pinch the head real gentle, and he had to run his fingers along the underneath part real gentle, and wonder if it tasted like a dick? Curious, he flicked his tongue across the tip like it was an ice cream, and nope. Tasted good, though, so it wasn't any big thing to slip the head into his mouth and hold it – careful careful careful! – with his lips and oh, now he could stroke up and down the shaft like he was doing to himself! This was great, and it slid so easy between his lips to bump the back of his throat, and Hakkai would be so proud. Gojyo moaned around the cucumber, palming his balls, and shit, he hadn't given the cuke-dick any balls, but that was okay, there was still enough to hold on to and suck and lick and _that_ was the front door.

"Hi, Hakkai!" he grinned, waving the cucumber at the Hakkai on the right. "I'm eatin' vegetables."

Turned out that Hakkai liked eating meat better, but Gojyo wasn't gonna complain.


End file.
